Young children are all sweetness, innocence and sincerity, that is why (I guess) adults usually want children to show their affection by kissing us.
We know that we only kiss when we feel something or courtesy when we greet each other (those two cheek and jaw clashes, one on each side, what we call kisses), but nevertheless we hope that the children kiss us with sincerity, giving us their love, as if kissing was a characteristic of them.
As an adult I have never asked a child to kiss me (in any case I give it to him) and as a father I will never ask my son to kiss anyone, because kisses are not asked, they are given.
It is not that it is a very important issue in the emotional health of babies, nor giving kisses (or not giving them) will generate any social disadvantage and therefore we must talk about the issue, it is simply that I do not think we have to wait From children what is not expected of adults and therefore I found it interesting to talk about it.
A few days ago a worker of ... (well, where he works is not relevant) approached our son Jon (I know I talk a lot about him, but his experiences are perfect for me to exemplify the issues) and said:
- - Hello what's your name? - Jon - we told him (he doesn't usually answer strangers ... trust, I guess). - Ahh, Jon. You give me a little kiss?
And no, Jon didn't kiss him. Logical, I thought, he doesn't know you at all. A while passed, even she left him little things for him to play, and, when we left, he asked again for a kiss:
- - Well, Jon, well, bye. Now you give me a kiss, right? I've left you little things to play ...
But no, neither then Jon gave him any kiss. It seemed logical again, because I still did not know how to kiss her (and besides, it's a bit blackmail interested ask for the kiss "because I left you toys of my own free will").
I didn't want to intervene because I think people have to kiss whoever they want to kiss and, as I said before, kisses are given away, but not asked.
According to the definition of the SAR, a kiss is "Touch or press with a movement of lips, on impulse of love or desire or as a sign of friendship or reverence." As Jon had just met this girl I doubt that he felt love, friendship or desire to bow (desire I think I also rule out).
She concluded that "He is a child who does not like to kiss". Others conclude that children who do not give the kisses they are asked for are not very affectionate. I don't know many children of this type, but I can assure you that Jon does like kissing, when he wants and who he wants.
Adults usually do the same, give kisses only to those who want to kiss. Yes, I know that you will tell me that when you greet someone you give them two kisses, but it is not the same, because it is not this type of kiss that is asked of children (and I also consider that it is a formal act many sometimes empty of feeling).
As I would not like a stranger to come and ask me for a kiss (well, it depends on the stranger, but in that case I would not like my wife ...), I do not ask the children for kisses or say to my son "come, Jon, give him a little kiss".
Yes, that is something innocent and more meaningful for the one who asks for it than for the one who gives it, but since they don't know about courtesies, but about feelings, I prefer that kisses occur when they want to give and not when they "should" be given.
