Back to school gets a little more complicated when the boy opens school. There is no incentive to meet his old teammates, because he doesn't know anyone, and the nerves to know what awaits usually disturb the child, but also his parents.
The first day of school usually causes stress and anxiety and it is important that the child feels supported and clothed by his family. Noelia Sosa, educational psychologist at Psise Madrid gives us some tips to make the adaptation as simple as possible.
The reason for the change
The reasons that lead to the change of school (economic or educational) greatly influence the way in which the child faces the new center.
It may be due to a transfer of work of the parents to a new city, for a divorce that forces one of the parents to have to change their residence, due to bullying problems in the previous school, or simply because dad and mom are not happy with the old center and looking for something better for your child.
In Babies and more The change to Primary: how the passage to the "older school" affects children, and how we can help them from home The adaptation will also be different according to the child's age and maturity, although in any case the first day of school It can cause (and cause us) stress and anxiety.How can we help?
1) Count on him (or her) and inform him
The decision when choosing or changing schools is the responsibility of the parents, but it is convenient to involve them: explain why we change it, where the center is, positive points that you may like, and even if possible, visit it so that Be familiar with him before the official start of classes.
2 Listen
It is normal for me to be afraid of the novelty. It is important not to ignore your fears, anger or sadness. You will have many questions and you have to answer them without cheating.
3) Do not lie to him
It is very important not to create false expectations with the intention of reassuring him. No phrases like: “This school will like you more than the previous one” or “You are going to make a lot of friends”. The information has to be real to avoid that if it is not fulfilled it can make you feel worse.
4) Stay with friends from before
If the change has been of school or neighborhood, but not of city, it may be helpful to stay with your old classmates, as long as there is a possibility that the relationship continues, either because they live in the same neighborhood or get along with their parents . If not, it is not interesting to force the situation because then the duel of a second farewell can be even harder.
5) Give you the tools to relate
But without meddling. The greatest fear of parents is usually if they will make friends. You have to let him himself solve your conflicts and not get in the middle.
That is, it is better to avoid those typical first day occasions when while waiting in line we encourage you to talk to another child we see alone or apart, or to play with a partner that we believe can fit with him when in fact everyone has hobbies different ... We have to let him choose.
As we can help you is giving you the tools you need to relate: how to introduce yourself to children by giving their name and asking for the other's to meet others, ask if you can play or invite to play ...
But letting him make the approach, always without getting too much. If it is we who introduce you or ask if you can play, we are taking away authority from others and autonomy.
In Babies and more Back to school: how to help them overcome the normal syndrome after the holidays6) Respect your rhythm
Try not to pressure him to make friends immediately. It is normal for the first days to devote to observe. The only thing we can do while asking him every day, when leaving the center "how did it go?", in different ways so that it does not become a boring bullet for him to answer with a simple "good".
If after the first few weeks you do not socialize, then we can talk to the center to see if there is a problem.
7. Reassure him. The best way to do it is to keep us calm. In the face of change, we tend to overprotect our son, to feel uneasy. Our function is to make them feel safe, so they must see that we are too and that they can tell us anything.
And let them understand that it is normal for them to be scared: "It's logical that you feel this way," "It's a new school," "You'll meet new children."…
8. Take him and pick him up from school. It is difficult for work and the rhythm of life, but it is good for the child that his parents take him and pick him up from school, at least the first few days. He comes from the summer, being 24 hours with us and suddenly not seeing us all day, it can be very hard for him. That we accompany them, gives them security.
In addition, when leaving school, it is usually when children are more open to talk, to tell how their day has gone.
9. Talk to the teachers. Family and school communication is key when there is a new child in class. Anything that we or the teacher observe in our child's behavior as if he is sad at school or we see him down is important to make a team to help him.
What if he has suffered bullying in the previous school?
Noelia Sosa continues to insist on the importance of respecting her autonomy, also in these cases, and not lying to her.
"If it is true that when the change of school is caused by a major problem in the previous one, we must be more aware of the child, we must accompany him more along the way but giving them the opportunity to resolve their conflicts themselves."
You will be more afraid when making friends, so you should not force him to interact with a child if he does not want to.
You have to ask, listen to him and if after a few weeks we see him sad or he does not talk about any partner, then we can take measures such as going to talk to the center to discover what can happen.
What you have to avoid, also in these cases, is to lie to you with phrases “This school will be better”, “It will not happen again”, because you do not know and if everything is not going well you can convince yourself that the problem is yours.
It is good that you know that the center will be different and that we will be open to tell us everything and that we will be in contact with your teachers. Let him know that the change is going to be for the better.
And above all have a lot of patience with him, respect his rhythm and not spread our fears, especially if the change of school is due to a change in family structure, but it must be taken as an adaptation stage, which it really is.
To cheer him up, reward your good school development, your effort, your daily progress and overcoming difficulties is a way to encourage desirable behaviors and help you trust your abilities, feel confident and comfortable with the environment.
Photos | iStock
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