When a couple loses the baby they were looking forward to, the world falls apart. They go through a great pain that many times the environment does not understand, and although family, friends and acquaintances want to help, there are comments that can end up doing even more damage. Those of us who have lived it know that there are phrases that hurt, and much, even if they tell you with the best of intentions.
A campaign launched by Miscarriage Association aims to make this situation visible and help by teaching posters in networks with phrases that you should not say and those that do to a couple who has had an abortion.
The bell #SimplySay It brings together women and men who have experienced a miscarriage who share sincere words to say to their loved ones, letting them see the difference between being supportive and being hurtful, although that is not the intention.
In Babies and more we have already spoken on other occasions about the lack of tact of some people and how the environment tends to minimize or banal the pain of others, to the point that sometimes they stop talking to you because they no longer understand your pain. When sometimes words are not even needed but a simple hug that he "heals" you and fill a little the emptiness you feel.
From the campaign launched by the Misscarriage Association, dedicated to supporting those who have gone through it, we have selected ten sentences, five on what not to say and five on what to say to a couple who has had an abortion.
Five phrases you should NOT say
"Everything happens for a reason": is to pretend to find an explanation for something that does not have it, and demonstrates a great lack of empathy To the other person. Losing a child is a life project that is cut from rennet, all the illusion you had made about his name, his future, what your life would be like ... All that is gone.
"What do you think is wrong with you?": Trying to find the reason for the loss is the worst thing you can do, that is best left to the doctors, (although most of the time there are no precise causes). Abortion is more common than we think, and of course you are not to blame. Such a comment Grows the feeling of guilt in the couple.
"Surely it was a girl (or a boy)": I have been told when I suffered a miscarriage. They wanted to cheer me up, but they sank me even more (what else did sex give me, I just wanted my baby). A comment that is better to save.
"At least you know you can get pregnant": They believe that clearing up doubts about your ability to conceive can help lighten the pain of loss. "Since you have become pregnant, you will be able to stay again," like someone who goes to a store and buys another dress.
"You can try again": the loss has passed and try to hide it or pretend that a new baby will replace the loss of the previous one It is a misconception that many people have. Losing a baby hurts and it is necessary to grieve for that loss, although others may come later.
Five phrases you should say
"Here I am for you when you want to talk": respecting the pain of others implies also respecting each other's times, without overwhelming or invading. You just have to let the other person know that he can count on you when he wants to talk.
"I'm sorry I do not know what to say": It is much more sincere to say that you have no words to drop a phrase that could hurt the other person.
"Tell me how you feel": sometimes you just need to press that button, the one of the feelings, so that the other person opens and starts talking about it (if you want).
"I'm sorry": a sincere and simple phrase that we should say more often. No more is needed.
"What can I do for you?": Even if you don't do anything, asking is already a lot. The only thing that can help you when you lose your baby is to have an ear that listens to you and a friendly shoulder to cry on.
