This of "You are going to fall"It is one of the typical phrases of mother that has cost me more to take off but that I think is a good thing to avoid. It does not mean that we let children assume dangerous risks to their integrity, nor that we do not explain the necessary precautions and possible consequences of doing things without measuring how far you can go. It is simply learning not to do negative prophets.
A phrase learned
The urge to shout at them "Don't get up there you're going to fall"We can change it for much more positive messages, which do not convey insecurity or disability of the child, such as saying" There is a lot of height and the steps slip ", and, when we consider that the danger is not acceptable, intervene avoiding it firmly, without getting nervous and without scolding them.
Sometimes I even think that this custom we have, surely inherited from our mothers and they from their own, is a phrase that attracts accidents. "You are going to fall". Thus, forceful, premonitory, it seems that it modifies, through the word, the environment and causes the child to fall.
It may be an exaggeration, but if I told you ... my mother does not know if she saw the future or has ill-channeled powers, because every time she "cursed you" you would surely fall, no matter how careful you put, or worse, you I put the fear in the body until just thinking about climbing you already saw yourself with a broken leg.
Self confidence
When we repeat ourselves or someone tells us that we are not able to do something, that we are useless, stupid or incompetent, it is almost impossible for us to overcome the challenges for those who, before facing them, we are programming ourselves to fail.
Much of what we do in life is conditioned by what we know or believe. If someone instills in us the idea that we will fail without remission and come to believe it true, we can never overcome that obstacle. Of course, disregarding the child or transmitting a blind trust is not the way, but to offer them knowledge, ideas and safe environments so that they can overcome themselves, without instilling in them a paralyzing fear.
We adults, ourselves, have mental schemes that we believe are immovable and, if we continue to believe in negative ideas about ourselves, it is almost impossible to overcome the lack of confidence in our abilities. Therefore, we have to give children knowledge, but not a priori judgments or premonitions that undermine their confidence in themselves. They are neither fools, nor are they clumsy, nor are they bad. Like everyone, they may ever do nonsense, awkwardness or things that harm another, but that does not change their ability to improve and overcome mistakes.
Overcome the "You're going to fall"
When my son was little I was one of those who were all day hypertertarta, afraid that he could hurt himself, warning him of the smallest dangers. I had a hard time overcoming the fear of an accident, something that I believe was a consequence of the terror of having almost lost it in the last months of pregnancy and in the subsequent postpartum depression.
I transmitted my vertigo and my continuous analysis of the environment looking for risks. But over time I have learned to explain things without prejudice or panic, and, above all, avoiding the "you are going to fall"Well, that seems to say that whatever you do, you will fall.
Today my son has fallen off the horse for the first time in riding class. It has risen immediately and has been uploaded again. Then, I asked him if he had been afraid. He said that he had been startled but he thought about how to fall more correctly without becoming rigid, and considered that falling had been a positive experience that would help him learn to hold himself better, not get distracted and, if he ever fell again, react correctly to Avoid having an accident.
I think that better than saying "you are going to fall"It is better to explain the environment and be attentive if the child is disturbed, but transmitting confidence in his abilities and judgment, so that he values how far he can go in a responsible way, always, of course, with prudence and attention on our part.
